Recent Blog Posts
New Concept in Wedlock: The "Wedlease"
The Huffington Post recently wrote about a new concept in family law that was actually developed by a real estate attorney as an alternative to marriage. Instead of "entering into wedlock", Paul Rampell says couples should enter in a "wedlease".
Rampell says part of the problem with the institute of marriage is that legal structure of marriage has not adapted or expanded as society has changed. There has been no improvement to that legal structure.
Citing marriage as a "legal partnership that lasts a lifetime", Rampell says that lifetime partnership is reason for the high rate of divorce, "People, circumstances and all sorts of other things change. The compatibility of any two people over decades may decline with these changes to the point of extinction," he says.
He suggests borrowing from real estate by creating a marital lease – a "wedlease".
Pentagon Announces Same-Sex Spouse Benefits
The Department of Defense has recently announced its plan to extend a range of federal benefits to same-sex spouses of military personnel and civilian defense employees. The changes are being made as a result of the Supreme Court decision that overturned a key portion of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). In its decision, the court declared that gay couples married in states where it is legal must receive the same federal health, tax, Social Security and other benefits that heterosexual couples receive.
The benefits will be available regardless of sexual orientation, as long as service member-sponsors provide a valid marriage certificate. The Pentagon also said it would allow up to 10 days of leave for couples who are not stationed in jurisdictions that recognize same-sex marriage to a jurisdiction that does allow it. There are currently thirteen states, in addition to the District of Columbia, that allow same-sex marriages.
Some opponents have criticized the Pentagon for allowing special military leave for same-sex couples to marry, saying there are special provisions in law for adoptions, child birth and emergency situations, but not for marriage. But the Pentagon says this policy will provide accelerated access to the full range of benefits offered to married military couples throughout the department.
Poor Communication Skills are the #1 Predictor of Divorce
If you ask your divorced friends what led to their divorce, most of them will tell you that they stopped talking to each other. According to a report in Psychology Today, the most common predictor of divorce is the lack of communication, which leads to hostility in the relationship.
You, You, You
When the going gets tough, most people have a hard time taking responsibility for their part of the problem. No one wants to admit that he or she has done something wrong. This is where the blame game begins. With that blame comes judgmental statements such as:
- You need to change.
- This is all your fault.
- You don’t understand me.
These kinds of statements will always be met with a defensive attitude.
Generalizations
Divorce Dos and Don’ts for Parents
Divorce is not a pleasant experience. It is full of emotions, even if it&s amicable. While there is not a divorce rule book that dictates what each party can and can&t do, there are a few things, according to Psychology Today, that you should and should not do while going through a divorce where children are involved.
Don’t Make your Child Choose
Your child will be traumatized enough, knowing that their parents are not going to be together anymore. They will internalize their feelings and some children may go so far as to blame themselves for the break up of the family. The worst thing that you can do is make the child feel as if they need to choose sides between the mother and father.
Do Keep your Emotions in Check
You are not the only one who is sad or angry. While you will not be able to hide your feelings, you have to consider your child&s feelings as well. Don’t have hostile or tearful conversations in front of the children.
Summer Months a Strain for Children of Divorce
Children of divorced parents clearly have more hurdles than those from families whose parents are together. Aside from the winter holiday season, at no time in the year is this more obvious than during the summer. Children whose parents have split are often shuttled back and forth between the parents’ houses, oftentimes over state lines, a trip that can feature solo plane rides or long drives. Psychologist Brian Rooney told the Chicago Tribune that trouble in this scenario can arise for children of divorce because of their expectations. "They can range from realistic ones like, ‘Gee, I can’t wait to get away to Dad/Mom’s house, we’re going to do all kinds of stuff,’ to a feeling of being sent away to serve time." Rooney says it’s important for both parents to address these expectations and consider them when making summer plans with and for children of divorce.
Cohabitating Agreements Offer Protection for Unwed Couples
For couples who make the decision to live together and not legally wed, the end of the relationship can be costly, whether the relationship ends because they decide not to live together or because one person dies. The state of Illinois does not recognize common-law marriage, leaving both parties unprotected.
There is no property division for separately owned property and no palimony. If one of the couple becomes a stay-at-home parent to care for children of the relationship, there is no law defining loss earning capacity. If one person becomes sick and is hospitalized, their partner has no legal say in their care. And there is no right to inherit the estate if one person dies.
Unless a couple is married or has entered into a civil partnership, the law does not recognize the living-together relationship. That’s why it’s important for unmarried couples to work with an attorney to prepare documents which will protect both parties. A cohabitation agreement should have the following:
Federal Judge Cites International Treaty in Custody Battle
A three year-old girl is the focus of an international child custody battle that has landed in the courtroom of a federal judge, who issued a ruling based on treaty that was signed by the United States and Sweden, where the child’s father is a resident.
According to the Des Moines County Register, both parents had joint custody of the child in Sweden. The mother brought the child to the U.S. in May of 2012 in an agreed upon 90 day visit to see her mother in Iowa. When she failed to return to Sweden with the little girl, the father filed a motion with the Iowa courts.
In May of this year, a federal judge ruled that the mother had violated the 1980 Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. The treaty outlines child custody rules between countries that sign the agreement. It was signed by the U.S. in 1988 and by Sweden in 1989. The treaty states that custody issues should be decided in the country of origin. In this case, that would be Sweden.
How to get Back on Your Feet After Divorce
After going through divorce, many people find themselves in a very serious state of depression. Divorce can drastically change your entire life, and it can be difficult, but not impossible, to get back on your feet. There are a few simple steps you can take to make the process more bearable.
- An important first step is to look into counseling and therapy. It is often true that self-esteem can take a serious toll before and during the process of your divorce. Therapy can help you understand why your relationship didn’t work out so that you can begin to move forward in a positive way.
- It is important that you develop your own, new social life. This will help get your mind off of things as well as set the tone for your new life. Accept invitations to coffee and dinner, but don’t feel the need to rush. Take your time, and new friends will come.
Domestic Violence: the Basics
Domestic violence is an uncomfortable subject to discuss, but it is one that is unfortunately very common. When people hear the term "domestic violence", they imagine drunken men hitting their helpless wives or girlfriends…but there are many other psychological and emotional factors involved.
To understand domestic violence, we must first know what "abuse" entails. According to the Illinois State Police, abuse can include the following:
- Physical abuse
- Harassment
- Making a child or other person watch abuse
- Forcing you to do something you don’t want to do
- Denying a disabled person access to needed care
Every 15 seconds, a woman in the United States is beaten by an abusive partner. More often than not, these attacks require medical attention. In about 95 percent of partner abuse situations, it is the man who is abusing the woman. But in 5% of cases, it is the other way around. Unfortunately, when children are raised in homes where violence is prevalent, they generally grow up to believe that violence is the only way to properly control another person.
Divorce Can Literally Break Your Heart
Being prepared for a break up isn&t usually something that most couples think about when they get married. However, with the divorce rate being so high, knowing what to expect can only help to avoid the health effects that divorce can cause. According to Shape.com, there are several ways divorce can affect a person&s health. Divorce can be physically and emotionally devastating to both parties but can have an adverse effect on a woman&s health.
Insomnia is a common complaint from women going through a divorce. Getting enough sleep is important to one&s health. If you aren&t sleeping, it may be time to have a discussion with your doctor. Divorce can wreak havoc on your immune system. That is why it is so important to do the things that promote good health. Eating a balanced diet and exercise are important to good health. Skipping meals will only work against your efforts to stay healthy.
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